John: Hey Llama butt
John: Even better!
John: Llama pocket edition!
Joanna: Couldn’t settle for less
John: I personally think pocket llama is a better name
How are you?
Studying for the worst class
Joanna: Feel like I’ve done nothing but its soooo time consuming
How are you?
John: The origin of politics one?
And I’m ok
Getting a drunk
Joanna: No!!!! Criminology lol
John: Lol ohh
Joanna: Oh no is everything ok?
John: Yeah I’m just waiting
I’ve been rather pensive lately.
Much has happened in the last few weeks.
John: For my friend to get off work… We’re supposed to be going to this house party
Joanna: Ooo fancy house warming?
John: I haven’t seen the house… So not sure if it’s fancy
But it’s a laid back event
So you has a drink while you wait?
John: Yes yes… Probably have to catch up to the ones already there
Plus I am of drunken descent… So I need more in me
Joanna: Heh what’s wrong johno
John: Well… That’s the thing… I feel good about things, about life right now. But I don’t know if I should.
I’m depressing myself because I’m happy
Joanna: Oh man lmao
I know that feeling all too well
And like… A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks which I still am still trying to make sense of
Joanna: Good things?
John: Well… And you’re ok, I’m not interrupting your studies?
Joanna: Nope! Just typing out my notes I previously wrote
John: Oh ok then! :)
Well it all starts a few weeks ago
It was a birthday party
I went with a friend who said he was away and couldn’t make it. It was to be a surprise.
*this is all build up*
Anyway, one of my “date’s” best friends was there too. She remembered me even though we had only met once and like a year ago…
This surprised me because I don’t expect people to remember me at all… Not sure why.
Long story short we made out for the bulk of the night and I think my friend kind of resents me for it
Joanna: But you’re happy? So this can’t be the end.
John: Well we haven’t talked since but…
Fast forward to last Saturday
I was drinking with a friend… We hang out a lot these days cause we get along really
well and have been having many outings since we went to Montreal together.
Anyway it was Saturday evening and everything. We went to a bar and this girl come up to me while my friend was in the washroom and sat down beside me and started talking to me.
We hit it off well I suppose… And I… Kind of stayed over at her place
Joanna: Ok and?
Is that it? Happiness rooted from this?
John: We had brunch the next day and our parting was a little awkward
And no not really… I was kind of emotionless for me
Is that horrible?
I feel I should have enjoyed myself more than I did…
Joanna: Uhhhhh I dunno! It really depends on lots of stuff always
Was it fun at all?
John: Well I always enjoy pleasing the woman orally. That was enjoyable. But it was mostly mechanical
And I haven’t spoken since the night in question… I mean to call… But I don’t even know if I want to…
But I think about it a lot
I don’t know if I feel I should call because it’s my “duty” or I just don’t really care
And I don’t think I care… Which bothers me
Joanna: I dunno. It’s all dependent on context
Did she like you or…
Was she looking for a hook up
I think she just found me attractive
Joanna: Then don’t worry haha
John: Ha ok! But I still do
Ok so to continue
The following Monday I went out with three of my friends
Well two friends and one I just met through one of the others, the one I’m going to the party with.
And… Again… Lots of making out happened between us. The new friend and I… This time I thoroughly enjoyed it… Well both times I just made out with some it was really fun
And we have talked a bit since then… And she’s going to be at this house party I’m going to
I’m actually pretty amused hearing such a side from johno :)
John: ha ha oh?
There’s much you don’t know ;)
I gave some stories
John: So last night my friend -the one who I’m going to the party with- and I went to go see this band…
And she got pissed drunk and wanted to go home
So we left before the band came on and I took her home
I got her water and put a garbage can next to her bed just in case… Even tucked her in lol
John: She got out of bed to catch me before I left. And somehow she managed to get her pants off (not sure why I mentioned this)
And she kissed me before I went home
John: And I think that’s why I’m happy
Which bothers me
You lav her
Joanna: Hehe :)
John: I truly do… In the largest sense of the word
But it cannot be
Joanna: Why :(
John: She doesn’t want it to be
Either because she doesn’t feel the same way or is afraid of something
I’m not totally sure
Joanna: She kissed you
John: It was more of a peck if I were to be specific, though on the lips. And… Well she *was* drunk
I only want what she wants
Joanna: Of course.
Try not to dwell on it
John: I haven’t been
I try to keep it out of my mind
Joanna: Alright good :)
But I am still smiling
I’m smiling on your behalf
Trust me lol
You know, one time, I imagined a life with some sort of highly educated engineer
(which waterloo has a large selection of) and then I made the “haha I don’t care” face
John: Ha ha ha!
That made me smile
I’d rather be living in a hovel with some sort of writer who thinks she’s the incarnate of Jane Austin
I don’t know… Maybe I’m just not relationship material
Joanna: What makes you say that?
I know I’m a bit crazy but I’m reasonable and when the right person comes around,
they can suffocate my disbelief in “love” and “marriage” and then I’ll be happy. Apparently – that’s how it works.
See I’m the one who believes in love and marriage and everything… But
Joanna: I’ll believe it when I see it
I know it’s possible it’s just scary as fuck, and I need to find the right
person to put my balls out on the line for and take a chance.
John: Yeah… I know…
I’ve done it
It ended in an abyss of nothingness
Joanna: I think I fell in “love” once. It was nice and horrible at the same time.
Although, it was also during a time where life was very messed up, which brought a whole lot of suckyness and awesomeness.
I’m sorry it never worked out for you. It kind of worked out for me until I fell out of love haha.
Oh well. The search continues
John: Ha ha
Oh Jo. I tell you the silliest things
You’re a good friend
Joanna: Its ok I tell you silly things!!!!
You’re my go-to person for talking ha
One of my new friends fancies me hehe
That’s the extent of my silly things to say though
We’re playing 90′s music in our house and being sad we can’t go out :(
Joanna: It’s alright. Have fun tonight :)
The rain falls down this dreary night, Masking the tears of those who mourn
Pain and sadness are the only respite from this cult of apathy.
You once shone in my eyes, glittered like the stars, like the sun
Turned you into gold, my fools gold.
But the memories are faded and tarnished with time
The way that we walked together back then is lost
Lost in the wind
Lost in time
Goodbye to you
These eyes won’t look back
They have loved so passionately
Listen closely to hear the murmur
The love you sent me
Was just a bunch of poisoned flowers
The four seasons and your colours will soon disappear
The snow melts, on the street corner, the flowers bloom
You saw the hues softly dissolving